C'est Moi

1. una, i can only do so much as a teacher in terms of planning the course syllabus and reminding students to do their duty which is to read handouts given to them (such as their syllabus and other course readings) or come to class on time. when people decide, en masse, to boycott the class because it's the last day of the semester before the holidays, something in me dies. but seeing the faces of students who deigned to fulfill their duty, seeing their eyes light up after we've sat together (oh the bliss of not having to be standing for an hour! the performer in me has gone away) poring over the beautiful lines of janis ian's song, then i know the time was well spent NOT getting upset over the absence of the majority. sabi nga sa isang parable sa bible, there will be rejoicing in heaven when even just one sinner repents. in my context, there is much to be thankful for and to rejoice over when even just one student out of 29 shows up and being the shy, reticent type, summons the courage to speak up at last. and what joy to listen to him sharing about his life. a teacher's life is not unlike a farmer's during planting and harvesting times. you plant in the heat of the sun, toiling without knowing the outcome, and when the harvest is full, even from just one plant, the heart brims over uncontrollably.
2. pangalawa, anong magagawa ko kung ang isang kaibigan ay ayaw kang kausapin dahil takot siya sa iisipin ng iba? hindi ba nakadidismaya? i've known this guy since 1991. my best friend for nearly a decade. someone who knows me beyond space and time. oh well. ganyan talaga. nalungkot ako sa pagtrato mo sa akin a few days ago only because i felt that such reactions and behaviour are no longer appropriate or apt for our present circumstances. friendship can span space and time. it doesn't always have to be about paranoia and troublesome angst. it can be light, stress-free, and relaxing. i've reconnected with so many people over the years and hardly any of those reunions were messy or ugly. at least most of the time. like 99.9% of the time. anyway, to overcome my melancholy, i decided na lang to make happiness out of a potentially depressing incident. (double whammy kasi yon e, sushi and dodo, ang saklap ninyo) i told myself, "i'll go about my day without factoring you into it at all." and lo and behold, the angels known as my sons poured joy into my heart and love along my path, and quality time with them was ne'er sweeter. time with new friends later in the day were gentle reminders that time waits for no one and letting go, though painful, is still the best way to zen.

i'm learning and re-learning things in my new philippine adventure. i have reconnected with prayer, with a saviour who has never abandoned me even when others seemingly did. so much grace in life and such abundance!

may your advent be a time of pain-filled longing for what truly matters in life: grace, respect, integrity, honour, and love.

advanced merry christmas to you all --- and advanced happy birthday to kimi!