C'est Moi

i'm down with what seems to be mini-flu. all the symptoms are there: itchy throat, aching joints and muscles, runny nose, throbbing head. it's highly possible i contracted this right after arriving from shanghai where i was gallivanting in their autumnal 18-degree Celsius weather and then plunging directly into work upon arrival, all this in 30+-degree Celsius weather.

had i not done some emergency rehabilitation to my throat last wednesday morning, i would not have been able to meet my students on my first day of class after more than 5 years. five. five freaking years.

in rica's bowl of eternity perspective, it's really just a drop but in light of my recent memories, it seems like --- well, eternity has passed since i last taught.

everything's different. the school has changed. the students seem different. there are more buildings, more foot paths, less football fields, no more corn fields, more parking lots, more landscaping. bigger, shinier cars. younger, more beautiful teachers.

in my ageing body, my heart pounds --- still! --- when i see someone absolutely hott, cute, gorgeous, beautiful, be they student, staff, or faculty. i still enjoy walking to class. i also enjoy putting lectures into my USB stick and flashing them on the LCD projector in class. every classroom in ateneo now has facilities for multimedia presentations --- there is no excuse not to keep up with the technological joneses in this very digital world.

my tree-hugging students appreciate my policy of receiving electronic submissions (isn't that the way to go these days? i can't imagine myself being burdened with piles of papers while walking from class to the department, oh no). i told them that my own professors in leuven were kind enough to pass me on my thesis when i submitted all my last-minute requirements by e-mail... why can't i extend the same leniency and generosity of spirit?

i'm also discovering that students will always be students. you can make available course websites, course emails, and mobile numbers to them but not everyone will read what you post nor send you emails/texts to clarify the readings. they will still need teacher guidance in framing the material and that's when i realise that you can't let go of all the old things that quickly.

this morning, armed with my laptop, i came to a class where the assigned beadle had not procured the necessary cable to flash my lecture with the LCD projector onto the screen. he was apologetic, sweating nervously as he stutteringly offered to run to the escaler hall and pick up the needed cable. i told him to relax. "i can always use the blackboard, my dear. that's what teachers do, right?" and i felt strange saying it because so far this week, i had not been using the blackboard as much as i did years ago. five years ago to be exact.

it was like flexing an atrophied memory muscle, and the time in which i did it reminded me of uma thurman in kill bill after she woke up from her coma and started flexing her toes inside the redneck pickup truck she was able to use after killing its owner. first there was the ocean of green space before me and the next instant the marmish spirit residing within kicked in and my hand started to move over that smooth expanse, filling it with an outline, reminders, and assigned readings. as i had learned long time ago in my teacher training seminars, the natural boardwork flowed out once more.

yes, i'm a narcissist. i love surveying my works of art and the way i've written on the board in the past has always been a source of pride. today was no different. i could see the clouds clearing from my students' eyes as i explained the debate sequence to them. although some of them had downloaded and printed the file from the website, it looked different when i had reworked it on the board.

it was an affirming moment. it made me re-examine the use of the laptop for the entire semester for my lectures. it really got me thinking.

and so to come back to the onus of this entry, i'm hoping my health improves over the weekend so i can be more sensual in class next week. i really would like to get my sense of smell back and this translates into better sense of hearing. my students haven't heard me use my full force diaphragmed voice yet --- i might be able to when i'm fully healthy. but then again, maybe i don't need to use my louder voice of old at all. as it is, they're attentive already.